Have to vs. want to. This is just one of the ways we – ok, at least I – categorize the different things, tasks, events in my life. The things that I want to do vs. those I have to do. The things I automatically say yes to vs. the things that I go through my calendar and to-do list to determine if I can. Yes, my priorities most definitely skew at times. Because I can’t seem to let go of the idea of have to.
Reality? Many of the things we think we have to do are really just self-imposed or societal constraints and ideals we put on ourselves. And the risk we run by focusing on these ‘have tos’? We forget about the ‘want tos’ that truly enrich our lives.
What do we really have to do?
Think about it. At our basest level, we have to eat and sleep. Basically, take care of ourselves. And whether or not we have to even do this is questionable. We just have consequences to pay if we don’t. Of course, there is much more to taking care of ourselves than just eating and sleeping, but you get my drift. Technically, you don’t even have to exercise, although it is a good habit to get into.
What else do we truly have to do? You might say that you have to take care of an aging parent or a child. But you really don’t have to. You want to. We need to stop seeing the things in our lives as ‘have tos’ because there really is always another alternative. We might not like what that alternative is, but that is our consequence to live with. That has more to do with choice than requirement.
Don’t get pulled in to the “To-Do List” have to
To-do lists are great. They keep us organized and remind us of what is happening and upcoming. And they can also provide us with a sense of accomplishment when we need it.
But to-do lists can be a doubled-edged sword. If I look at my daily to do list on Todoist (I’m a huge fan of this app 😊), it looks something like:
- Morning dog walk
- Duolingo
- Job search
- Laundry
There’s more to it than that, but you get the general idea. Now, is it going to be the end of the world if I don’t complete one of these items today? Well, the dog might get a bit out of sorts because she didn’t get her morning walk, but she’ll get over it. Will the world come to an end if I don’t spend some time looking for a job or finish the laundry today? How about Duolingo? Duolingo is a goal I set for myself, automatically categorizing it as a ‘want to,’ not a ‘have to’. Your to-do list should be your guide for the day, the week, the month. It should not be seen as a tool left over from the Spanish Inquisition that runs, and ruins, your life.
Focusing on the ‘want to’ is more than okay
We each have one life to live. One life to make the most out of and enjoy to its fullest. And this happens when we make a conscious choice to actively choose the ‘want tos’ in our lives. However, sometimes that shift in perspective also comes with a paradigm shift. This is part of what being a displaced professional is all about.
